Category: holidays

It’s once again time to tell tales and make the offering…

Well of course I made it sound ominous. Don’t worry, this is a good thing. Really. Hopefully for you, specifically.

As a lot of you know, my writing career began in Los Angeles. I’d left the film industry to write full time. I was bringing in rent money doing movie reviews and screenwriter/ director interviews. Sold a few short stories. Sold my first novel for a very small advance. My beloved had won a major screenwriting fellowship and was also reading scripts for various contests. Between the two of us… things were usually tight, but we were happy. We were doing what we wanted to do, even if we were living that near-poverty artist’s life some folks likes to glamorize.

But some of you probably know it doesn’t take much for “near-poverty” to become “poverty.” Just a nudge. A late payment from your job. One “whoops” from a clerk that results in a double-charge on the credit card. Sickness. An accident.

Boom.

Poverty.

Not tight on cash. Not, oh we’ll need to cut back for a month or two. Poverty. As federally defined. We were below-the-poverty-line poor for three solid years in Los Angeles, one of those cities famous for its low cost of living. We did our grocery shopping at the 99 Cent Store. Our phone was shut off. We stole toilet paper from the library when we went there to use the internet. We couldn’t afford to turn the heat on. At least twice, off the top of my head, I had to borrow gas money from friends so I could go to work. Yeah, I literally didn’t have enough money to go to work.

That level of poverty means you have an ongoing dread, a sense of being trapped and powerless that almost never shuts off. It means stressing over every interaction with anyone and anything in your life. It’s being painfully aware of what you don’t have and what you can’t do.

Weird as a it may sound, these feelings can get even worse during the holiday season. Because so much of the holidays is about giving, and when you’re poor you just… you’ve got nothing to give. It doesn’t matter how much you care about someone, it doesn’t matter how much you want to do for them. And the reason it doesn’t matter because you’ve got nothing.

And for the past few decades, some folks have made it very clear they’ll judge you because of all this. They’ll see you as less of a person because of your poverty. Because of what you’re unable to do. At every office party or gathering of friends or family dinner. There are some folks judging you for being trapped and powerless.

Believe me, I know how bad it sucks. I’m in a much better place now—thanks mostly to all of you reading this—and I wish I could tell you it all goes away once you’re back on your feet. But it doesn’t. I still feel that sudden sinking in my gut when my card has a glitch at the register. Hell, it just happened a few weeks ago while I was doing the book tour.

So look– if I can help some of you avoid that sinking, powerless feeling this season—the low I felt for those Christmases—I’d like to do it.

Here’s the deal. If you’re in a bad place and can’t afford gifts for your family or friends, shoot me note at my old business email– PeterClines101 @ yahoo.com (it’s also the newsletter’s default email, so if you’re subscribed you can just reply to a newsletter). I’ve got maybe a dozen random copies of my books, and a few audiobook CD sets, too (if that works better for you). I’ll autograph one for whoever you like and mail it out so you have something to give this season. Or I can send it directly to someone else, if you need it shipped. I’ll even gift wrap it if you need that. I’ll do this for as long as the books last, or until maybe a week before Christmas? Want to have time for things to get where they’re going.

Oh, every year a few folks offer read this and offer to chip in and help out. It’s appreciated, but you don’t need to do that. This is all covered. But you could go be fantastic people in your own community. I guarantee, there’s a Toys for Tots dropoff or a food bank within ten or twenty miles of you right now that could really use your offer of help, especially this year.

Just to be clear, sorry to hammer it home—this is for those of you who need some help getting gifts for others. The people who are pulling unemployment, cutting back on everything, and feeling trapped because they can’t afford gifts for family or friends. Also, we’re using the honor system here, folks, so if you’re only trying to save yourself some money or score an autographed book… well, I won’t be able to stop you. But never forget you’re an awful person and you’re taking a potential bright moment away from someone who really needs it this season. And you’ll deserve whatever karma sends back your way. Sorry.

Anyway… please let me know if I can help you out.

Happy Holidays.

Okay, this may feel random to some of you, but it’s sort of a tradition I’ve got here. I’d like to interrupt your post-Thanksgiving shopping stress with a little tale of poverty and capitalism and hope.

And then… I’d like to make some of you an offer.

My partner and were full time aspiring writers in Los Angeles for many years. For a good chunk of it, she was far more successful than me, although I was bringing in bare-bones rent money with some of my film journalism and movie reviews, selling an occasional short story here and there. Even sold my first book for a very small advance. We weren’t living great, but we managed our balancing act and we were happy.

The problem with a balancing act, of course, is it doesn’t take much to make you fall. And once you fall, well… it can be really tough to get back up to that highwire. If you ever can. At one point the magazine I was writing for hit financial problems and got very slow about paying. We had a bunch of totally normal “unexpected” expenses—minor car repairs, sick cat, random bank fees. And then just like that… we were falling.

We were below-the-poverty-line poor for three solid years. And whenever I say that someone laughs and says “oh, ha ha, couldn’t afford the latest shiny toy?’ To which I say, no, we couldn’t afford food. We did all of our shopping at the 99 Cent Store. We stole toilet paper from the library when we went there to use the internet. Our phone was shut off. We couldn’t turn the heat on.

We were so poor, at one point Shane-frikkin’-Black offered to sit down with me over coffee and do an interview for the magazine and I had to turn him down. I made up some crap excuse rather than admit I didn’t have enough money to buy a coffee, and possibly not even enough for gas to get me across the city to where he was.

I literally didn’t have enough money to go to work.

Being poor is just ongoing tension. It’s a constant feeling of being trapped and powerless. Of being painfully aware of what you don’t have and what you can’t do. Of having no agency, as some might like to say.

And these days—hell, for the past decade or two—some folks have made it very clear that they judge you because of that. They find you lacking as a person because of your poverty. Because of what you’re unable to do.

All these feelings are even worse at the holidays. Because so much of the holidays is about giving, and when you’re poor you just… you’ve got nothing to give. It doesn’t matter how much you care about someone, it doesn’t matter how much you want to do for them. It doesn’t matter because you’ve got nothing.

And again… you can feel people judging you over it. At every office party or gathering of friends or family dinner. There are folks judging you for being trapped and powerless.

It really sucks. I know. I remember. I’m in a much better place now—thanks mostly to all of you reading this—but I still feel that clench in my gut any time my card doesn’t immediately go through at the register.

So if I can help some of you avoid feeling that gut-clench this season—the low I had to feel for those Christmases—I’d like to do it.

Here’s the offer. If you’re in a bad place and can’t afford gifts for your family or friends, shoot me note at my old business email– PeterClines101@yahoo.com. I’ve got about a dozen random books I’ll autograph to whoever you want and mail out to you so you’ve got something to give this season. Or I can send it to that someone else, if you need it shipped. I could even gift wrap it. No cost, no strings, just me helping you. I’ll send them out for as long as the books last. You can request a specific book but I can’t promise anything on that end. Like I said, random.

Oh, and I’ve got a few audiobook sets, too. The ones that are a wallets of CDs? If audiobooks work better, just say so. I still can’t promise which one you’ll get, but if it’d be better for your chosen person, let me know.

Just to be clear, this offer isn’t so you can recommend someone who might like a free book. You could do that—go get them a book. This is for those of you who need some help getting gifts for others. The people who are cutting back on everything, and feeling trapped because they can’t afford gifts for family or friends.

And look, every year a few folks read this and offer to chip in and help out. I’ve got it, but thanks. And hey, again, you can go be fantastic people all on your own. I guarantee, there’s a toy bank or gift bank or food bank or a homeless shelter or some kind of program within ten miles of you right now that could really use your offer of help–either actual help or throwing them a couple bucks. You could go help out in your own community..

Also… I’m doing this on the honor system, so if you’re just trying to save yourself some money or score an autographed book… well, I won’t be able to stop you. Just know you’re taking a potential bright moment away from someone who really needs it this holiday season and you’re an awful person for doing it. And you’ll probably burn in Hell before Krampus feeds your charred corpse to a squale.

Anyway, please let me know if you need some help.

Happy Holidays.

Last week was a bit of a flop, sorry. It happens sometimes, and I’m trying to be better about not letting it throw everything off for a week. We’ll still talk about throwing things out, don’t worry. I’m rescheduling a bit, moving a few things back on the calendar

Speaking of the calendar… Valentine’s Day is next week! With all the fun indoor (and sometimes outdoor, if you’re daring) activities many of us associate with said holiday.

So I though, in the spirit of the day, it might be worth revisiting the sometimes awkward topic of… writing sex scenes.

Don’t worry. None of this is going to be too explicit or NSFW and it probably won’t get your work machine flagged. You know your boss better than I do. Move forward accordingly.

Like sex itself, a lot of writing sex is going to come down to our own personal preferences, comfort zones, and what works in a given situation. As such, it’s going to be really tough to offer any specific advice about when and where and how these moments should happen in your book.

What I wanted to talk about here is more the act itself, so to speak. Writing sex scenes is a skill, just like writing action or gore or anything else. It’s a balancing act of too much vs. too little, exciting the reader or maybe horrifying them, and it’s ridiculously easy to make people roll their eyes.

No, not like that.

So here’s a few things I tend to keep in mind when writing a sex scene.

One is that we don’t always need to show sex happening in order for sex to have happened in my story. Nuance and subtext are a huge part of sexiness—on the page and in real life. If Phoebe drags Yakko off into the forest while the rest of us are siting around the campfire, we can make an educated guess what they’re probably doing out there. Especially with context. If they’ve been flirting for the whole trip up to the mountain, whispering to each other while setting up tents, and they come back half an hour later with stupid grins, wrinkled clothes, and leaves in their hair… I mean, is anybody confused what they were doing out there?

So depending on the overall tone of my story, maybe I don’t actually need to write out my sex scene—I can just let my reader fill in the blanks themselves. And again, like so many well-done subtle things, this can end up being much, much sexier than actually spelling everything out. As an artist friend once pointed out, “nudity isn’t sexy. It’s what you don’t see that gets you turned on.”

Probably worth noting that, like any kind of subtext, there’s always the possibility it’ll slip past some folks. So depending on how important this particular hookup is to my plot or my story, I may want to be a little… y’know, less subtle. Just to help keep things moving. Still don’t have to show anything, but maybe drop one or two more clues when we return from our walk in the woods.

Two, if I’m going to show my sex scene, I want to remember that sex is… well, action. Not necessarily in “expending lots of energy and effort” (although that might be the case in this story), just that actual, physical things are happening in my story. And like any other action, it gets dull fast when it’s written poorly. Yes, it can get dull.

There’s going to be some exceptions, but I think most action shouldn’t feel like it takes much longer to read then it would take to happen. Nobody wants to read about a three paragraph sniper shot or a four page fist fight. When I over-analyze or over-describe anything, I’m slowing the pace of my story, and I don’t want to slow things down to tell my reader how fast things are happening.

And writing about sex works the same way. I’m not saying every sex scene has to have the frantic intensity and enthusiasm of two college sophomores, but If I’m telling you these two people are eagerly ripping each others clothes off and it’s taking six paragraphs for it to happen… you’re probably going to start skimming. And that’s never good. Strong action trusts that the reader’s going to fill in a lot of the blanks and understand what happened between A and C.

Now, since we’re talking about describing all that action…

Three would be personal taste. I think the catch with writing explicit sex scenes is they essentially become porn. Porn, as a friend once pointed out, is when we see everything. And after a certain point, that’s pretty much exactly what we’re talking about with any written-out sex scene. And some people like porn, some don’t. No judgment either way. That’s just a simple truth.

But there’s more to it than that. Because even the people who do like porn don’t all like the same kind of porn. This particular act really turns me on, but you find it kind of quaint and almost routine. Reading about that might weird me out, this might be a complete non-starter for you, and that… okay, that seriously disturbs both of us. On a number of levels. It’s a pretty safe bet that the more explicit—or shall we say, exotic—my sex scene becomes, the less people it’s going to appeal to. And the more people it’s going to… not appeal to.

This is going to be one of those points where I want to have a very clear sense of who the audience is going to be for this story. And I need to be honest about that. What kind of sex scene I put in, and how I describe it, is going to have an impact, so I want to be sure it’s the kind of impact I’m trying for.

Four, last but not least, is something I’ve also talked about with my rules of love that I bring up now and then. Y’see, Timmy, for a long time Hollywood tried to convince us if two good looking people (or even average-looking people) ended up alone in an apartment, a car, an office, a cave, whatever… they’d have sex. It was just what people did. What else were they going to do? Talk? Watch television? Read?

And there are a lot of reasons to think this way. A fair number of people enjoy sex. A decent amount of folks have a phase in their lives where sex is a high priority. And crass as it may sound… sex sells. More than a few filmmakers sold an additional ticket or three (or four or five rentals) off the promise of skin and naughtiness.

But the truth is… most of us don’t have sex at the drop of a hat. And there are times and places that it’s just not going to work. For any number of reasons. Sometimes the reason that sex scene feels kind of forced and gratuitous is because… well… it is

So go forth on this holiday and write your sexy moments. But please consider if you really need to show them. And how they’re paced. And who you’re writing them for. And if they should be there at all.

Next time… I’d like to talk about the new tabletop game my friends and I have been playing. And how it relates to writing.

Until then, go write.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Well, it’s that time of year again. Christmas movie time. Maybe you’ve got a bunch on DVD or BluRay. Perhaps you’ve gone all digital. Heck, I think most streaming services have playlists ready and waiting for you.

I thought I’d take shameless advantage of the holidays to revisit an idea that I haven’t talked about in a while. It’s writing in-general relevant, but as we’ll see it crops up a lot in holiday movies. Especially…

Well, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. Let’s start with basics.

A lot of story (in the bigger plot-vs-story sense) boils down to “what my character decides to do.” Are they going to play it safe, try to fade into the background, stay home and do those TPS reports? Or are they going take a stand, take a chance, and go on that adventure?

Usually these choices boil down to a binary. Do X or do Y. Suck it up or quit my job? Help the little girl or mind my own business? Tell the truth or try to keep it hidden for a little longer? There’s a few trillion examples of this. I tend to think of these as triangles. My character is one point (A), their two options (we’ll say B and C) are the other points. You’ve probably heard of romantic triangles, yes? That’s a pretty standard dramatic device that pops up in a lot of stories.

Now, here’s the catch. Triangles—of any sort—only really work when B and C are both viable options. If my choices are stay late at my soul-crushing job where I’m unappreciated or go see my kid’s school play… well, that’s not much of a choice, is it? and if my protagonist chooses to stay at work, well… what does that say about them?

Granted, there might be a very good reason to stay at work that counterbalances this. Maybe there’s a big bonus they really need for finishing on time? Could a promotion be in the balance? Heck, maybe they’re helping someone else out. No point both of us missing the play—you go, I’ll get all this cleaned up. All these are good, viable things. But they need to be there for that balance to work. Otherwise, my character’s just making bad choices.

This imbalance shows up a lot in romantic triangles. One person is sweet and funny and supportive and attractive and the other side is… well, horrible. Selfish. Self-absorbed. They scowl so much they have permanent wrinkles in their forehead—and they’re only 23! I mean, if my choice is to be with Sam or be with Roy, and Roy is a misogynistic Nazi… well, that’s not much of a choice, is it?

When we don’t have balanced options, there isn’t a lot of dramatic weight to the actual choice. It’s like Eddie Izzard’s old “cake or death” routine. It’s not that surprising that everybody picks cake. And if I base my whole story around “gosh, will Jamie pick cake or death? Which one’s she going to choose?!?”… I mean, it won’t really shock anyone when Jamie picks up the dessert fork, right? It’s not exactly a surprise outcome.

So when my characters needs to make choices, there has to be some value to each choice. It needs to be a choice that takes effort to make. If there isn’t, I run the risk of them looking… well, a little foolish at best.

Also, just to save someone the time, yes, sometimes my two options are both bad choices. But that’s still a choice with dramatic weight. Let your best friend die or let a hundred strangers die? Starve to death or cut off your own arm?

Now, on that note, I told you all this so I can talk about Christmas movies…

Christmas movies are a solid, dependable genre. And a subgenre of several other standard movies, too. People try to sound intellectual and artsy by talking about superhero fatigue, but in all seriousness—Christmas movies are the real machine. Look at Hallmark, Disney, and Netflix and add up how many new Christmas films and specials they’ve made between them this year. You’ll hit double digits, easy. Might even get close to triple digits. And that’s just three streamers! I mean, at this point Shudder’s got a very solid Christmas sub-genre going.

Now, one recurring theme we see a lot is the Christmas romance. Yeah, don’t lie. You’ve seen a lot of them. Probably this year. They can be oddly comforting, even though some of them are also really awkward and fumbly.

I’d like to talk about the awkward ones.

A pretty standard Christmas romance goes something like this. A young woman (it’s almost always a woman) falls for a guy who’s a few weeks away from getting engaged, married, etc. The two of them have chemistry, while his current partner rages away at her big corporate job, becomes a larval Bridezilla, or maybe is just a generally awful person. Eventually the guy comes to see the error of his ways and our two impossibly good-looking people end up together just in time to kiss on Christmas Eve.

(you know which movie I’m talking about, right?)

Now right off the bat, this is one of those unbalanced triangles I was talking about above. One good choice, one awful choice. Wow, what a shock how things went, right?

But there’s another problem here that’s a little tougher to notice at first glance. A really basic flaw in how a lot of these holiday movies set up their triangle. It’s why they always come across as a bit weird and the protagonists always seem a bit… well, wrong. And I think it’s one of those things that’s really easy for me to avoid once I see it all laid out

Let’s use that basic structure up above for our example. Our test story, so to speak. Alexis (A) has a meet-cute with Ben (B), who is in a relationship with Chloe (C). Amy and Ben have chemistry, Chloe is bordering on (if not openly) awful and clearly wrong for Ben. And it’s Christmas because… y’know, that’s when this always seems to happen.

Now, normally in one of these romantic triangle situations, our protagonist would be Ben. After all, he’s the one who needs to make a choice here, right? He needs to be active and decide if he wants to be with Alexis or Chloe.

But…

See here’s where it gets weird. Our protagonist is Alexis, but she’s technically the B in our “choose B or C” triangle scenario. So Ben’s the one choosing (the A), and she’s the one getting… chosen? See, that’s confusing just typing it out.

Plus, the only way I can make Alexis active in this situation is to have her do some, well, questionable things. If she tries to improve her relationship with Ben—all those normal romance beats like long talks and quiet dinners and shared passions—well, that kinda means she’s undercutting Ben’s relationship with Chloe. Which is a little tough, morally, no matter what we think of Chloe. And geeeeez, if things get physical to any level, well, now they both look bad. Alexis is making moves on somebody in a relationship. And Ben’s hooking up with someone else? I mean, how awful does Chloe have to be for us to be cool with him cheating on her? And if she’s not that bad, then… well, yeah, he’s a jerk. So why does Alexis want to be with him?

Yeah, okay, sometimes odd things happen between people in really specific situations. Everybody reacts differently to stress and fear and all that. Firm embraces may happen. Maybe even a kiss or desperate proclamation. But that’s a reeeeeeeeally fine line. Scary fine. It’s so easy for that situation to go from somewhat one-time excusable to what-the-hell inappropriate.

Y’see, Timmy, as I mentioned above, when Alexis is this point in the triangle, she isn’t the one with a choice to make. Not a real one, anyway. So she has two options. She can do nothing (which ends the story pretty quick) or she can try to disrupt Ben and Chloe’s relationship. Those are her only paths, as far as our plot goes, and neither of them is a great one from a storytelling point of view.

I think when writers make this mistake, they’re confusing the outcome with the choices that lead to it. We’ve all heard “the ends justify the means,” but this tends to ignore that the means I use also determines what kind of end I get. And more importantly, how we perceive those end results. There’s a bunch of ways Alexis and Ben can end up together, but a lot of those paths can make one (or both) of them into characters we don’t really like or care about. In some cases, we may even be actively rooting against them. Cause they’ll be horrible people.

Don’t worry about outcomes. Outcomes are the conclusion of a story. Think about the path to that outcome. The choices my character has to make in order to get there.

Because those choices are my story. They’re my plot. And if there aren’t any real choices, or they’re all being made by supporting characters, or they’re all just questionable, really bad choices… well…

I shouldn’t be shocked if people think it’s a bad story.

Speaking of stories and holidays, here’s a shameless reminder that ebooks and audiobooks make fantastic last-minute gifts. Have I mentioned those two anthologies that just came out? I’ve got a story in Joe Ledger: Unbreakable and one in The Reinvented Detective. And both of them have loose tie-ins to other work (hint hint hint).

Next time, I’ll probably do one of those annual round up/ list of accomplishment things all the cool kids are doing.

Until then, go write.

And have a happy and peaceful holiday season.